a month to remember

that day i stood and look into the morning city skies.

i saw that beautiful baby blue .. that golden sun ray which flickers and shone upon this land.

i still feel that same old breeze, cold yet cosy .. as it brushes across my cheek.

the wind is strong .. that big white cloud hanging upon the sky.

i felt life.

i felt a huge momentum.

as if its telling me .. life goes on

it is so great that, everyone will be carried by this great force.

and yes ...

life goes on.

*smile* its a wonderful day!

i felt good. this year, wonderful things has happened to me. but sadly, love hasnt came yet. which is a bliss, for i am not prepared for it .. as for now, i mean.

this month, i gave my blessing to a friend. one of my good friend. in his late twenties, he finally decided to tie the knot.

and he gave me just a month's notice. it certainly came as a surprise!

i asked him whether is he a marksman? he smiled at me and say no. and i smiled back at him and said i know.

the baby is due 2007 Aug ..

and this month, i finally overcome two long overdue to-do-item, which i kept procastinating. for one i took a step towards driving a continental car.

and the other one, happened after an amusing incident .. that day, my friend. a rather plump fellow said that he has a nicer body than me. i wasnt angry but i'm shocked.

well, you need the skin of an elephant to said that don't you?

but i was quite irritated. so i decided to do justice to myself. and i came up with a 3/week keep fit regime .. which i religiously followed.

though its hard work, but the result shows .. so sometimes, magazine do tell facts after all!

and this month, i got to know some new friends .. and saw some really old friends, which appeared after an absence of several years.

i welcome back these old friends.

it was really those days .. where we were at the wrong side at the path of life.

those days .. we're young, its hard to differential right and wrong. but somehow, mother life took mercy of us. she brought us back .. rightfully to where we should be.

its through those days that, we learned right or wrong ..

and if you think that you're bigger than the world .. then one day, the world will devour you .. bit by bit and pieces by pieces.

this world shows no mercy.

hope it don't sounds too serious ?

anyway ..

as im gathering my thoughts to summarize this pretty good month .. i looked out at the night skies .. i saw the city, and i felt the cold night breeze.

there was no movement. except for the twinkering stars. the clouds aint moving. the moon aint smiling at you.

it was stale. it was dead. dead quiet too.

i know that the momentum has stopped. it can't possibly go on and on without a break. this force is so great that it can kill anyone who is totally immersed in the momentum.

night is always so lonely .. isnt it ?

only night gives us a chance to be personal .. to be alone

and to reflect for the day, to savour good old memories and to look forward to the future.

i'm happy with the present and im looking forward with much enthusiasm .. as for the past, whats gone has gone. even if it comes back, it is just a survival mechanism gone wrong .. life shouldnt work this way.

lets just let it be.

of cos, there some people which i would like to know much better, but as for now .. mmm

before the end of this month, i watched a movie.

simple love. simple two people. though its simple. but at the end. its still simply, two person.

procastination i guess ..

at the end. the guy died and the girl is still clinging on the love.

which exist .. or never existed.

but still ... i would remember that movie again. where, after losing that person, then you know that, that person is the one you really loved. but all is but too late...

and to whom to confess this pain to?

well, movie of cos doesn't really reflect reality.

you can wait .. but how long? what if it never comes? everybody needs to be given a chance. including you.

to be loved by someone is always the greatest feeling. but how many of us can actually have the luxury of marrying the one we really love?

hard to say huh~ thats what makes life so interesting isnt it?

and women are so fasinating creature .. and thats why being a man is so interesting too!

*smile*

remembering our own birthday is sometimes, frustrating.

looking at the people around you. my dear niece is 3 years old, shes big, chubby and cute and loves me to pat her to bed.
looking at my friends, getting married becoming fathers, embarking on new careers, it all just makes me feel that ..

im kinda old.

not very old, but old.

doesnt make sense? nevermind.

anyway, Happy Birthday to me.

"Happy Birthday to those whose birthday falls within this year too!!"

to a friend.

i remember .. last year's cold night.

although im wearing layers of black and white and jeans .. but im still feeling cold. bcos that time, my heart was still in destress.

as i wander to no where .. i walked to the streets .. the lights flicker together with the noise of the traffic .. i realised i just missed the green man. so i stopped.

i looked back. the wind blew and as the leaves on the floor rustles, and so are those on the trees .. there are many people .. many people are in a happy mood. many people are laughing and smiling. and many people are in love.

but that time, i feel im alone.

love has gone, desserted away from me.

and though we're standing on a common platform. but me and the people, are seperated .. worlds apart.

i can't feel what they are experiencing. it was painful .. indeed.

dramatically .. it started to rain .. or rather, drizzle.

i smiled at the beautiful people .. and i then turned and walked on .. as if im walking to the world where i belong to .. a world of loneliness, cold and dark and where people everyday is staring at space and the only positive emotion they have is .. smiling

how pathetic isnt it? *smile*

that day .. late at night, i heard loud noise coming from a corner .. i saw a guy pulling this lady, and she shout and him while both of her hands were on her head, as if she's very miserable .. the guy just sadly stared at her and his eyes were tired.

i watched a little and walked away. while the shouting still persisted.

as my head ponders .. my heart says this .. "though its something familiar, but let's go, shall we? you had your fair share too."

this time, its muscle 1 brains 0.

i left the cold streets, cold city with a cold heart and an empty mind. i feel my face swollen and my eyes becomes itchy .. it keeps twitching and every time it twitches, it gets more watery.

but i restrained it .. bcos there no point .. anymore.

and i went home as i left the cold streets, cold city with a cold heart and an empty mind.

and now .. i cant believe it, but time flies and a year has just passed.

as i said before, i tried to wonder why girls prefer guys who are jerks rather than good guys. and i come out with a few reasons ..

fortunately, i had this friend who said this to me, eventually good man will win the war. and it boils down to patience, tolerance and the know-how to manage a relationship TOGETHER.

*smile*

as true as i agreed to what my friend says. but if i asked .. what if it is the first time he/she is in a relationship?

if either party is a first timer in the love game, then maybe to demostrate patience, tolerance and management might be a little too much for him/her as a first-timer.

but none-the-less .. everyone is learning. including you and me.

*winks*

i read upon this article and it posed an interesting question.

"I don't understand women. If we're nice, you relegate us to friend status and go for a complete jerk, and then come crying to us that you just want a nice guy. Are you insane? What do you want?"

then i understand that, in the way to keep the woman of your dreams interested in you and only you, is to be sensitive while retaining your masculinity AND the key is to avoid both extremes of the nice guy and the jerk.

well, think about it, if you give her the best of both worlds, why would she ever want to look elsewhere?

true? maybe ..

well, it could be a guidline for a man to be the man for his girl.

but sometimes, it isnt neccsary things may go sour bcos of jerks. but if a person interest level towards another person is low, he/she can give one hundred and one excuses to put an end to it.

mm .. maybe irreconcilable differences might sounds familiar?

*smile*

i had this friend ..

and i know my friend might be feeling how i felt last year .. but im happy to see that she has come out from the darkness and walk towards light.

and she did mentioned this, It's not a matter of finding true love anymore, but more of a practical love.

haha. companionship, maybe?

*smile*

Lastly, thank you for accidentally introducing me to the song on the My Umbrella article. its nice. though i cant really gasp the meaning than you do. but anyway, its nice.

thanks sab.

整条街都是恋爱的人
我独自走在暖风的夜
多想要向过去告别
当季节不停更迭
却还是少一点坚决
在这寂寞的季节

anyway hope to see you soon~

a resolution

a happy new year to everyone out there ..

hope you enjoy your celebrations .. every 31 Dec is the same, nothing special. Its just that the next day is a new year, which is end of 365 calender days or maybe 366 days ?

but lets side track a little .. it also means planet earth has orbit the sun 1 round ..

ok, that is just some things to ponder about ..

anyway, to welcome this year .. i had change my template to a brighter colour .. gone is the classic black and red combination, which signifies mysterious and that color combo is a bit mood arousing ..

anyway, it also means that i am done with all the mourning and gone are the stormy clouds and out comes the warm and cosy sun.

the colour of dawn is always streaks of orange. and the color orange it will be. the mood i am now.

the beginning of a new day, a new year and a new life.

where were you when thousands and thousands of people were flooding the streets, with their love ones and with their best pals celebrating the beginning of a new year.

as the countdown begins .. 3 .. 2 .. then 1, where were you?

as i watch the fireworks display upon the clear skies .. as they burst into colourful streaks of rainbow colours .. i felt peace and i feel happy.

2006 was terrible, i fall so hard that i cannot stand by myself .. Mr Reality came to check, i failed so badly and he knocked me down .. hard.

looking at the thousands of people around me .. celebrating this joyous day, i kinda felt that everyone is just like me. hoping for a better tomorrow.

hoping they can love their love ones more .. hope that they will strive hard for a better life .. hope that God will bless their love ones .. hope and hope .. hoping that everything will be better than last year.

never before i felt so hopeful for a year .. throughout my 20 odd years, this year .. i felt something great is going to happen.

i got this gut that all will begin starting from this year ..

i never felt so confident before ..

mm .. maybe its b'cos, i fell so hard that i've come back many times stronger ..

what else can be more painful than losing the one you really love .. and what supportive force can be so strong other than the support from your own family's love?

nothing.

so .. what is cruelty from the outside world?

anyway, last year i am contemplating between the battle of Jerk vs Nice guy.

why jerks always gets the babe and why nice guy always lose out to freaking jerks. i took on the theory of men from mars and women from venus, i went back to my cave and think through.

though i may not be an expert, but somehow, i got some clue here.

most males are brought up by mother .. and when choosing a partner, us, men, tend to look upon our mums as role model or rather an example or listen to mum's advice. BUT, hey, treating the girl you love and your mother is 2 TOTAL DIFFERENT THING! and how i wish i was brought up by my dad.

a women's natural instinct towards a man when she has the man is to take TOTAL CONTROL over the men, BUT, what a men MUST DO, is NEVER LET THE LADY TAKE TOTAL CONTROL over you.
and thats where the nice guy will always lose out to the jerks.

well, its not women's fault .. but its just their women's instinct.

a yes, yes and yes guy will die faster and in case you wonder why this kinda guy is deem not fun. maybe, the above findings do shed some light.

anyway, since both men & women came from different planets and not all women are the same, it differs from one to the another ..

so .. keep on learning.

i don't know if all sounds familiar to you, but it certainly is, to me.

*smile*

and the last thing or the last point i would want to share is a wise phrase which i read.

"As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never fully appreciated this advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it firsthand.

but be thankful to the lady who left, cause now, you're fully armed.

to me .. love is still wonderful. and i will always remember my friend said this to me ..

"There's nothing i can give her, other than my quality time and attention, if she chose to leave, then there's nothing more i can do."

it wakes me up .. indeed. QUALITY vs QUANTITY

but somehow or rather, as i said before, in this game of love, there is only one parachute, when everything goes wrong, only one gets to survive.

okay, so much for love .. and thats what meloveworld is all about .. me, myself .. my love life and the world, im looking forward to.

Lastly .. on resolutions

though i may seem to have drawn further & further away from someone else ... probably a New Year Resolution is not to draw closer to her.

bcos, she has gone further and further away. i really can see her no more.

though i held her hand, but its cold. though i saw the smile, but its not that sweet smile anymore.

everything, i have .. memories, i've already kept them inside me, all 36 stories for her,and the door is closed but not locked.

as what i like to say to her .. its all God's will .. and its a small world after all, isnt it? the earth is round. whatever will be will be. theres already nothing else, i could wish for.

the earth is round, if we will met one day, we will. if not .. then, lets just be 2 dots on this planet.

*smile*

and i have no resolution for this year.

and this year.. im finally back~!

' 苦海翻起爱浪
在世间难逃避命运
相亲竟不可接近
或我应该相信是缘份'

as i stood upon the tall cliff, high above angry waters and stormy waves. i looked at the rising sun creeping up the horizon .. with colourful dawn lights, it coloured the thick grey clouds orange. as the warm and cosy breeze, gently blew across my face.

i saw light .. and this time its real

and life has just only begun ..