Memories II

This year is coming to an end ..

My emotional level this year is just like a volatile stock .. raising high up, then it came crushing down, then it climb up again, and like this year's STI stocks, meeting and breaking historical highs.

Anyway, i don't like to write diary. Cos, i think its a girl-ly thing to do. haha

But, as i read through what, i've written couple months back .. somehow, i smiled to myself.

Memories came flooding back ..

i remember the times of loneliness .. the times where i would just stared blank, times where i would fear the night, i fear that i would think too much, fear that tears would flow, fear that why i'm in this state .. fear that why i am helpless ..

But anyway, these days have passed. I hope they won't come back.

And i will make sure they don't.

I remember i wrote on, how i felt then .. when we were at a crossroad. And when the decision came to continued walking left, right or center .. i was left stranded and while she left.
Honestly i don't know where she ran to. But somehow, when i finally gathered myself and carry on. I saw her.

Actually, I dont really blame her.

I also wrote about, sitting on a kerb along the road of life. Looking at thousands of people, seeing hundreds of lovely couples, and waiting for someone to come by and say Hi. Sometimes, i don't mind sitting longer, waiting and yearning for that familiar face to come.

But, i also know that i cannot wait forever.

My thoughts, my feelings and what i feel for the coming future, I wrote them all. The initial intention is next time, when i read back, i will laugh at myself for being so stupid and being such a emotional crap sucker.

This is NOT me!

damn ..

But somehow or rather, i felt a bit heart-warming when i read back.

*smile*

well ..

I had enough of seeing couples holding hands, watch couples lovevy-dovevy, walking out of movie theatre, exchanging small glances and giving little smiles ..

so .. i try to ignore all.

Ahh .. whatever people

*stick tongue*

Thinking back earlier this year ..

I used to ask why i'm being let go .. why im being sacrifice, hundreds and thousands of whys. But now, i no longer ask myself whys .. Bcos, sometimes knowing too much might not be a good thing afterall.

So unknowns are better to be left as unknowns .. forever.

This girl used to say that im immature, i used to disagree with her. But now, i guess its true .. true to a certain extent.

I have thought of many things. The past, the present and the future. Its good that i have time of my own now, at least i know what i am going to do now and also ten years from now.

I'm happy with the first ever Christmas party invitation .. but, somehow, there's something which i don't think i will feel comfortable seeing .. so i choose not to accept the invitation.

As for the cloud above my head that time .. i assure you its not cloud nine but cloud question mark ..

It came as a sudden .. with mixed feelings ...

Although i still love you, but the last thing, i hope you don't show me is sympathy. Thats the only wish i would ask ..

But i will be very happy if i can see you again.

I am also very happy .. bcos you still know that i love you.

miracle indeed ...

"
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你说我若一个人会比较自由

我不懂你说什么 反正不会松手

"