all about me - 想回到过去

when i was 5 years old in kindergarten. i remember, i was a shy boy .. when mummy left me in the kindergarten on the first day of school. i cried.

i want mummy .. and i'll ask for mummy. i tried to dig my eyes out as i'm afraid of strangers .. i'm afraid of what i see .. of what is to come and i want to go home.

haha .. that was me .. 5 years old. first day of Kindergarten 1.

i remember i would love learning new songs & watching tom & jerry cartoon. the funny mouse would always bully the funny cat .. and till now after so many years .. the cat still haven't caught the mouse yet. *dumb*

after school, i would always admire those boys and girls in primary school .. i like the workbook and textbook they're holding. i like the bag they're carrying .. looks cool to me. well, that time.

and mummy would hold my hand carry my bag .. and go home, i remember the old streets, i walked passed by, and the cobbler under the bridge who was my neighbour .. he died 2 years ago, i remember the milk bread my mummy used to buy, it was fragrant and it was sweet, i could eat 2 bread then.

and i remember the day, when dad came to fetch me. i knew he was out of job .. don't know why, but i had this gut feeling.

sad to say .. i was right.

*smile*

when i was young and my dad would drive. He used to bring me to this place .. it was not a place of fun where there would be swing & see-saws, neither there is any candy shop or is it any amusement park.

but a place of quiet & peace ..

i remember .. the place was dark, it was quiet .. there were very few people or none at all. behind me lies a long long road .. the dark dim streetlights makes the road creepy .. you will never know what might jump out from the bushes and you would never see the end of this road.
this place is lonely ..

in front of me is a great gate, very high and very big .. and there were fence stretching far far .. far from my sight .. at that time, only God knows how long is the fence.

i heard a loud sound .. and i can see a plane .. it was small at first then .. it started to grow in size .. it started to grow bigger. the features are getting more obvious ..

the plane is few hundred metres away from me .. i can see the wheels .. and it landed safely.

i remember my dad would always tell me .. "The plane is from Australia", whenever, there's a kangaroo logo behind the plane.

i would just look in amazed .. and it was so fasinating .. my eyes would sparkle .. and i would smile.

i would wonder .. where the plane came from .. and where it is going .. it came from the dark skies and landed .. then move on to the buildings in front. everything was so mysterious.

i was like 7 years old then ..

*smile*

i started to read & self-study local history when i'm like 10 years old .. i read the history of the 2 world wars .. I & II. I used to like reading the history of Singapore .. i like the 50s, the 60s & 70s .. the communism, the politics, the riots and the development of our country ..

it was then i started to talk to my grandma ..

grandma would always talk to me about the good old story of the war, the day when bomber planes of the japanese rule our skies and how grandma & her family would hide in the jungles .. surviving on what they have. grandma would also tell me about the man who would go and never come back.

and she would tell the stories of how she work for the British, she wash and sweep their garden everyday, morning till noon, just for a few dollars. grandma was always the lone worker in her family, working and cooking for over 10 person in the family, while others just.. well, you know, the ancient "favourism system". grandma really had a very hard time then.

grandma would always cook my favourite food .. grandma would always shield me when i did something wrong. grandma would always tell me whats right and whats wrong.

i remember grandma would always cook supper for me .. and she would smile and talk to me as i eat .. the more i eat .. the happier she is.

but now, grandma is 80 over years old .. and she is not as strong as she used to be.

its been a year since grandma came to my place.

*smile*

time flies .. and now, i'm not considered a boy anymore ..

and its going to be 1 year .. since, i spent an entire weekend at home.

i have been going to crowded places .. i have been rummaging through crowds and crowds of people. i have seen hundreds and thousands of people ..

i took the mrt .. i took the bus, i tried going to familiar places .. all and all, i tried to stay out. though i still need accompany, but luckily .. my friend and I were on the same frequency.

although, i still kept trying to look for that familiar face .. but, nevermind.
maybe sometimes, i just need the fresh air outside, after 5 days of "encampment".

or is it .. i lost something and trying to find back something?

sometimes really many times, i'm tired. and i just want to rest .. i am really tired.

*smile*

one day when i look back .. all these memories will surely put a smile across my face ..

i miss you ..

" 绵绵细雨.. 缓缓落叶.. 春花秋月..

光阴..

却已似箭..

爱意来去.. 匆匆..

叹! 我问仓天知多少..

再叹! 无奈.. "