miss

did you ever miss someone before?

all the little slideshow running in your head most of the time .. that same place, that little action, that thing you all do, that sweet smile and all the same familiar cherished moments.

but before we could answer ourselves this question .. probably, we should ask do we really miss this person or is this just a habit of not getting used to not being with her?

well, if it is a habit .. then it should be good. bcos, sometime, someday and somehow, someone better will come along and maybe that person you missed so much would be locked inside your memory safe.

But what if it is the later ...

as for me, i tried to ask myself this question too. but sad to say, its still not locked inside my memory safe yet .. its not i don't want .. but i can't.

its not that anyone can anyhow replace it .. bcos, its unique. if anyone can just come in and replaced it easily .. then probably, something has happened that forced me to do it.

i guessed its almost 50% there already .. again, unwillingly.

Sometimes, i asked myself why. why do i can't keep it inside me, while i myself knew that .. things has changed and that person has left and i got no choice. but why my heart still holds a significant place for her?

i'm not trying to be optimistic here .. although i really hope to. BUT, i don't really want to know about how things may turn out to be, in the near future.

Just by looking at things which may represent her presence makes me happy, bcos i know she's there. although it may be a virtual representation, but a smile would somehow appeared across my face.

call it naive, if you would like.

just some time back, i realised that her representation had disappeared for a couple of days .. and i would ask myself why .. BUT again, something tells me that, she's not on local soil. Eerie as it may sound, but .. logical thinking prevails! as i remember the words she have spoke to me. before she bid her farewell.

but i know she's happy and well protected!!

its not some sixth sense ..

lets talk about some sensitive religious issue here... few months back, when life has changed, when i embraced total singlehood and knowing that vice versa is not an option anymore. i asked myself questions .. but anyway, today, these questions are no more of an importance anymore.

few months back .. i tried the Christian way, i tried to do some spiritual communication, from what i read from the bible and some advice from my friends, i thought of trying to communicate to her through GOD. Bcos, i believe, she will pray at night. and the only way i can get to her is by message of GOD to her.

which i sincerely believe it works ..

as i used simple words .. take care of her and let her be happy, always!

i believe GOD has passed my message from a non-christian chap to her, a loyal servant of his.

LOVE .. love can transcend through people and even religious difference .. thats what i believe.

although deep down i hope i can really take care of her, myself. But if she is happy then i am happy too. although whatever things i see now, still makes my heart go sour.

every now and then i still dreamt of her! and isnt this suppose to ceased? i wonder why.

well, which man doesnt make mistakes? which guy doesnt do things they regret so? but the truth is somethings are reversible and while some are not.

there are still many things i cannot forget. and they kept rewinding inside my head. but i look forward to be optimistic..

let nature take its course .. whatever will be will be.

there are many things i hope she know. but on the other side, i hope she don't.

really.

Finally .. i know its stupid of me to whine about these things, but these are all the things that i kept for months inside me. so, since i can't locked it .. might as well, i remember it.

although i still miss you so, but that is not important. what matter most is that you're well taken care of and be happy everyday.

that will be my greatest wish for GOD to you.

miss ..

"
我的日记 写满的都是你的名
才发现又是另一个黎明
这是我对你爱的累积
"