the last

-- 07 August 2007 --

its been quite some time and quite a while. I got a lot to say, but ..

Anyway,

so many days have passed and it's still passing me by .. that fast ..

and well ..

I've met a lot of wonderful people and made a lot of good friends.

I moved on to another life chapter .. this time the stakes are higher and much more riskier. But, I've managing it quite well. i guess .. more or less.

I know what i want now, 5years from now and 10 years from now. I know what I will achieve now and many years from now.

its all on the paper and all i have to do is ... basically, just do it.

the skies the limit .. and nothing's impossible.

i pray for myself and i wish my friends all the best ..

2 years ago ..

i was at a crossroad.

facing a dilemma .. while the lady who held my hand, let go and headed to the other side, and me, stranded.

though it was part and parcel of life. but it is a life-changing experience, at least for me. Then, i know nothing. But i thought i knew a lot .. i tried to be humble then, but it's all self-deceiving, i bluff the whole world and ultimately .. i bluffed myself as well.

I started a joke .. and the joke was on me.

*smile*

I have to admit. I was naive .. im-matured and silly then. But ..

its all in the name of growing up, isn't it?

and there's still many more to learn. and that's really a life-changing experience.

Anyway, Life's been good.

*smile*

But sometimes .. something still caught up with me.

I left the door unlocked. I wasn't expecting anything. But something happened that made me stopped think and ponder a while, re-think and ponder again and re-think carefully and ponder carefully again.

i thought I have forgot and I thought I've already travel very far from the past .. but still.

well ...

This lousy feeling is shitty. It really brings back the emotions that have already and should died two years ago.

I've decided to give it a last try .. before I, at this age and as a man to put career as my very first priority. Nothing else will come between me and my career anymore.

I know, the stakes are high this time and the rejection would also be as high. But deep down, I know I have to take it.

right or wrong .. succeed or not, winning and losing is not important.

I thought this day won't come for sure, but it has, and I am waiting for this day to come for quite some time ..

I am willing to change everything or give up my priorities, if i succeed. Well, If not, then there's no looking back, with so much things to do and so little time .. I don't have much time to think of other things anymore ..

I don't know who is fate .. people say wait. I say, let's see then. I really got no time to queue and basically, I'm tired of queueing.

I know about loneliness, I know about the all your friends getting married and you're alone reality and of cos, I do know about the BACHELOR fact.

But its either you win or you lose.

I can be optimistic towards everything in this world, but not towards the game of emotions.

I don't want to regret it years later .. if i don't give it one last shot. As regretting is a loser's word.

I have changed and so is she. But one thing remains the same - my feelings.

Before i finally resigned ... to fate.

*smile*



*PS - This little blog of mine is 1 year old. It has written alot about my past feelings on her and towards her. While my inspiration comes from the people I've seen, the places I've went to and the things I've done. This day has come .. Its either break or do.

and I will soon put an end to my little "emotional graveyard" blogging. which has served it's purpose well.

Thank you