the girl who cried on new year ..

it was so quiet ..

that night .. it was not in the wee hours, where the cold wind blows and the goosebumps grows. it was not in the creepy hours where, you would be very paranoid, very afraid of whats lurking in the dark corners.

as i walked ..

the streets, they were empty. there's a slight breeze .. and the papers floating in the air .. i can hear the swooshing sound.

i looked around, there wasn't alot of people.

as i walked and walked ..

i'm alone.

as i stand tall .. standing at a tall 22 storey building, looking at the breathtaking view of the brightly lit city skies .. it was beautiful.

as the wind blew strongly on me .. i felt free .. it was so carefree that it feels like flying ..

it was me. standing on a tall building. looking at a distance. thinking about the distant future.

and its the first day of chinese new year. happy new year to you.

as i looked at the distant future, i travelled back to the distant past .. and that slideshow of memories played slowly, slowly in my head .. some beautiful, some sad, some hateful while some are just wonderful.

though it was a bit emotional.

but whats past is gone.

i took a deep breathe and let out a heavy sigh .. i tried to look to the distant future.

suddenly, i heard a girl crying ...

she was weeping .. i saw that girl once. and this time, i saw her crying.

i looked at her .. why was she crying ? i thought. why was she in pain? is she out of love or what? or is she just plain lonely? afraid of being alone.

her face was red and swollen. it was wet.

she tried to cover her face with her hand. but no used. the more she's trying to escape, the more reality is trying to hunt her down.

as beads of pearly like tears rolled and dropped from her cheek ..

she cried out .. she's lost and she don't know what to do .. she's unsure .. she needs a comfort zone ..

and mostly, a comforting hand.

i walked towards her ..

i bend down and looked at her ..

she was choking back her tears .. she is wiping her tears off her face .. she tried to pull her hair back from her wet and sweaty face to look at me ... to look at me more closely.

i looked at her .. i see her in the eye ..

i know how she feel .. that lost, that helpless, that loneliness, that betrayal, the loss of trust, that loss of love, that emptiness, and i know ..

i know how you feel.

but inside her eye are in disarrays .. i don't know whether is she being offensive or being defensive or she's just shutting up.

i know how she feel .. but i don't know what she's thinking.

well, i tried ..

i tried to give my hand to her .. give her a pat on the back, or to just try gently stroking her hair, telling her it's alright .. hush hush, don't cry.

and in the end, i offered nothing, but nevermind.

i just looked at her and smiled.

it was not a cocky smile .. but, i gave her the sweetest smile i had.

i tried to tell her, i'm done with what you are going through .. 100% done and dusted.

what you need now is just time and space .. to think and sort things out.

i tried to give her a pat .. but, i hold back and walked away.

i don't know whether did she looked at me .. or did she just looked away or she just continue to cry again.

but i pray for her to be good. i pray for her to stand up strong. and i pray for her to be her usual cheerful self again.

just like how i pray for the last lady whom i cared for ... and i know that my prayers has been answered

and i also know that ...

i have to moved on.

as i continued to stand and looked at the beautiful city skies .. i think about that crying girl.

she is an intelligent and pretty girl.

and as much as i would like her to join me, in my night city gazing.

i did not ..

i don't know whether is she still crying at the corner .. or has she stopped crying or is she staring blankly into space.

but .. i hope to see you downstairs .. Ms S. after you are done with all the mourning. be it good or bad, but this too ... will passed

i smiled.

and as i enjoyed another cigarette and the cool night breeze .. together with the beautiful city skies.

its just me .. alone

again.

....

" 为什么这样子,你拉着我说你有些犹豫
怎么这样子,雨还没停你就撑伞要走
已经习惯不去阻止你,过好一阵子你就会回来
印象中的爱情好像,顶不住那时间

为什么这样子,你看着我说你已经决定
拉不住你,他的手应该比我更暖
铁盒的序,变成了日记变成了空气演化成回忆
印象中的爱情好像,顶不住那时间
所以你弃权 .. "

半岛铁盒